You too can be a Presidential Speech Writer!
Posted by erin at November 19, 2002 11:27 AM
Click and drag words and phrases to make Bush say what you want:http://www.lemonbovril.co.uk/bushspeech/
It's pretty good, but it needs more stutters and made-up words.
I'm fairly sure this is how his speeches are actually constructed.
Since Rick will inevitably rally to defend Bush, and point out that Al Gore has said many idiotic things in his day which the liberal media didn't choose to mock, I should like to point out here that Al Gore just isn't funny enough. He doesn't have that deer-in-headlights look. He also fails to provide the humorous misspellings of Quail or the constant near-fatal heart attacks of Cheney. Building an Al Gore speech would be really boring. Except, I suppose, for the part where he claims to have invented the internet. That _is_ funny.
Comments Individual Archive Index
November 19, 2002 12:40 PM, ET said:
Dubya is an annoying asshole and stupid and looks like a lobotomized monkey. Now that he has delayed my flight, I'm free to insult him to my heart's content. Ha!
November 19, 2002 12:51 PM, Sam said:
Ironically, it's Quayle. Also, Bob Dole is funny too.
November 19, 2002 12:54 PM, Erin said:
Hmmm... now I must decided whether or not to save face by correcting my spelling error.
November 19, 2002 01:34 PM, Rick said:
I'd like to see a flash Bill Clinton rape simulator. You could get extra points for luring unsuspecting campaign workers into your hotel room and savagely beating them before having your way with them.
Another great game would be democratic voting fraud. You work for the democratic party and it's your job to bus homeless people from county to county and get them to vote for Demorats on multiple occasions in exchange for money and food. The bonus stage could be called Recount where you try to delegitimize the election results, stuff ballots and get votes for dead people and reform party candidates to count for your candidate. If you don't succeed, you can always get more bonus points by complaining about the republican 'coup.'
November 19, 2002 05:04 PM, ET said:
When someone needs a lobotomy, doctors should order that they get a "Texas Education". When kids fail in school, teachers can encourage them by telling them that they can be president someday.
November 19, 2002 11:51 PM, Dave said:
Uh Rick... while your advocacy for W is touching, I might suggest that if you blame the democrats for committing voter fraud you 1) be very specific about what they did 2) explain whether it is illegal or not. If it isn't illegal it isn't a problem. (And, remember, 1) homeless people can be registered to vote, 2) there are no laws against giving people rides to the voting booths.)
November 20, 2002 01:13 PM, Rick said:
While there is no la against homeless people voting, they, like all other people, are only allowed to vote once per election. It is because of loose registration laws (homeless people have no home, so who's to say which county they're residents of) that homeless people are able to get away with voting multiple times. And while paying people to vote for your candidate isn't illegal, it is clearly immoral and undermines the principles upon which democracy is founded.
As for my source, Hal heard people discussing it when he worked for the democratic party 2 years ago. I know that hearsay isn't admissable, but it was enough to convince me.
I like how no one contests the claim that Bill Clinton is a rapist.
November 20, 2002 02:04 PM, Agnieszka said:
OK, since you're feeling starved for attention: Please prove how Bill Clinton is a rapist.
"I feel in my heart that it is so" does not count as proof.
November 20, 2002 05:15 PM, ET said:
I found the claim of Bill Clinton to be a rapist too absurd to bother responding to. That he can't keep his dick in his pants is obvious. But there seem to be plenty of ugly women *willing* to fuck him and complain later. Please cite a rape conviction to back up your statement.
November 20, 2002 09:17 PM, Dave said:
It is a little crazy to say that Clinton a rapist when he was never indicted or convicted or anything resembling rape.
Secondly, as to loose registration laws, despite anyone's rhetoric, everyone in this country gets to vote. You don't need to have any money. You don't need to have any education, and you don't need to own property. Many people have proposed that people who do not have enough net worth, or are supported by their parents should not be allowed to vote, but alas this is unconstitutional. (Apparently, felons, minors and non-citizens can’t vote, but this is because 1) the constitution doesn’t guarantee the right to vote to minors and non-citizens, and felons have been deprived of this right after due process.)
Homeless people might not have a home in the way that a college student that lives in a dorm or a rich bitch in Westchester lives in her husband's house, but that doesn't mean that they don't live somewhere. In fact, all one need to is claim that a residence is a homeless shelter, and they can vote there. (The one restriction is that they can't be registered in two places at once, but everyone sort of knew that.)
See, there is nothing worse than sloppy legal analysis. Usually people involved in "politics" (the kind that the lay people know about) either engage in it themselves, or repeat other "sloppy" analysis, but it doesn’t make it true. In fact, it might be that there was some illegal stuff going on at a voting booth, but since everyone just yells about random shit any improprieties would never be discussed.
Anyway, Rick, you will be happy to know that the people who really do control things actually look down on most commoners. Any form of popular politics is a game played by the most retarded of the elites. The elites who do run things don't need to go around kissing babies, accusing each other of rape, kicking black people out of polling stations, or bussing homeless people into polling stations, and giving platitude-filled speeches for even stupider idiots to "debunk." These people have the technical knowledge to make things work for them, and don't need to whine in the popular press.
This system works pretty well. The commoners to cheer and hoot and vote for the person they find physically attractive. The elites get to play whatever game they want and are assured of 1) creature comforts 2) leisurely pursuits.
There have been a few times when this system was not used, and it had hilarious consequences. My favorite was the estate tax: some members of the elites decided that they were subject to too much estate tax. So, they decided to tell the stupid people (or commoners) that the "estate tax" was a tax on death, and blah blah blah. (The commoners acted like the estate tax even applied to them (which it did not), and that it impacted family farms (which were exempted)) Anyway, the GOP machine cranked up for the abolition on the estate tax.
However, these elites had engaged in commoner-like legal analysis. They forgot that if the estate tax was abolished altogether than whoever received property by devise would not take it with a "stepped-up basis" (e.g. when they eventually sold it, they would have to pay a tax based on the difference of what they sold it for and what the dead person bought it for), so in fact in most circumstances heirs of the wealthy would pay far more under the proposed “Republican plan.” Anyway, everyone got quite whipped up over this, and when the some cleared some members of the elites then took back a lot of their statements, but they were unable to stop some of the commoners. The results is that as the law now stands the estate tax will be phased out in about 10 years (though the elites are waiting for about 2 years to cancel that phasing out based on “Democrat initiative” which, of course just means “elites.”)
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